Evolution is a messy thing.
Chicken fish, an elusive cousin to the goldfish, specifically the telescope goldfish, evolved into the domesticated chicken because of a bored universe, a curious explorer, and a diminishing marginal benefit.
Eyes placed wide and staring straight ahead, chicken fish had a deadeye stare that saw more colors and patterns of the world than we could ever imagine. One scientist speculated that the birds were in a constant state of hallucination, never sure which thing they were seeing was reality versus a trick of their brain. Messing with chicken fish eyes wasn’t supposed to happen, but the universe just came off a week of crystal forming and was tired of all the uniformity. Predictable patterns are boring - nothing exciting happens when things worked the way you expected, the universe thought. I wonder what would happen if I combined disorder and hyperuniformity…
The chicken fish would spend hours, it’s body bobbing along at the top of the waves, it’s head under water, staring straight ahead as it waited for food to pass within an inch of it’s face so it could peck and get a bite. It was highly inefficient but the chicken fish was always seeing food, whether it was there or not, so it didn’t mind.
The chicken fish’s body was massive compared to it’s head, easily ten times wider and acted as a buoyancy device – keeping it afloat and afloat only. Until a tiny growth started on one chicken fish’s head, that evolved into a crown. The crown that would lead the chicken fish down the evolutionary path we know today.
Chicken fish learned they could redirect their blood into their crown, weighting down their head, forcing their head to sink underwater, like a stone - counteracting their body. This was the chicken fish’s new style of feeding – beak open, diving down in a straight line, pecking and grabbing food as it raced past.
It found tasty delights as it got further and further down down in the ocean. A little crustacean, a piece of dolphin, one chicken fish was rumored to catch a nibble of a great white shark.
With more nutrition, the chicken fish got smarter, it’s brain fed and happy.
Then, people started sailing the oceans. They would see these bobbing white things in the distance and only think they were another bird. Until one great explorer, Sue, wanted to get closer and document all the wildlife she saw. Sue’s crew steered the ship closer, and it just so happened to be tossing kitchen scraps overboard time, and some of the scraps got close to a chicken fish.
In it’s brain, remember it was in a constant state of hallucination because of it’s eyes (thanks universe), the chicken fish saw this as a tiny great white shark, perfectly fit for a two-beak nibble. It was an apple core, it ate it.
The chicken fish’s blood sang with happiness, so much that it let out the very first vocalization of it’s life, the entire species life, “CLUCK!”
At that same moment, Sue, frantically sketching the bird while watching it peck at the food scraps, noticed a glint in the distance, something that called to her as it being land but something more than land. Sue followed her instincts and put all power towards the glint, waving goodbye to the chicken fish.
A day later, when the ship reached the glint, Sue and the crew rubbed their eyes, believing they were playing tricks on them. Piles and piles and piles of gold and gems spread across a beach, no indication of how it got there or why.
After they collected the booty but before they sailed again, the crew painted a chicken fish on the side of the boat, honoring their good luck charm. They had smooth sailing and riches beyond belief from there on out.
Word of the chicken fish spread, and sailors would throw over food scraps in hopes of luring one closer to get their good luck. It wasn’t until one enterprising young person jumped overboard, swam to a chicken fish, and pulled it back onto the ship that people realized it could live on land too.
There started the great chicken fish breeding program, to give sailors good luck. For the sailors who couldn’t afford a full chicken fish, feathers were sold, feet, beaks, a piece of luck is better than no luck.
But alas, the breeding program produced too many chicken fish – one chicken fish could produce a hundred or more chicken fish – so the value quickly dropped. Plus, who needs more than one good luck chicken fish?
The chicken fish craze fizzled as quickly as it started. We were this close to never seeing another chicken fish again. But…one person, having spent their last silver on a chicken fish, wasn’t giving up. They put their chicken fish into a pen and started selling their unhatched eggs, then created recipes using chicken fish meat for local village pubs.
The confusion around chicken fish – is it a fish? – made them drop fish from the name and that’s how we ended up with domesticated chickens.
I didn’t mean to take this photo. I said oooo, a chicken! as I walked past, crouched down grabbed a quick shot before heading off to other areas of the garden nursery. When I was looking through photos later, this one stopped me - something about it was so surreal, yet cute, yet wtf - and with the barest hint of me captured in its eye. I need a story to go along with it…
And yes, disordered hyperuniformity is a real thing in chicken eyes.
How it started…(showing my messy work - misspellings and all)
The chicken fish is an elusive cousin to the flat heard shark, a new discovery from the dark trenches of the ocean. Eyes positionined on the wide of it’s head, sharing straight haead but with the ability to turn in their sockets. But why a chicken fish, a chicken shark – a chicken shark, the newest thing. Thiny little head, big ass body, it used to float on the tops of the ocean , the buoyancy of their body keeping it from diving under the water for food, but then it grew it’s crown at the top of its head, that crown became a weight, put more blood into it, the chicken fish becasm top heavy and would dive down, head first mouth open into the depths of the ocean piecking up little nipples of fish, planton, plants, and passing food iscarded by sailers. The domesticated chicken evolved from the old creature of myth, the chicken fish. Used to be spotted by sailors as a sign of good luck, chicken fishes would bounce around on the ocan, thousands in a flock their overly large bodies keeping them afloat. Sailors would toss their food scraps over board and chicken fish, being a lazy fish, leaned to peck at these to get their fill, much easier than diving down and eating what they could as they sunk like a rock withtheir head leading the way. Yes, the tried to flap to move in one direction of the other but small wings against a body of emourmous proportion and a tiny little head, it was only minor movements. So the story goes, the chicken fish used to bob around at the top of the ocean. Eyes placed wide and staring straight ahead, a deadeye stare that saw more colors and patterns of the world than we could ever imagine. One scientist speculated that the birds were in a constant state of hallucination, never sure which thing they were seeing was reality versus a trick of their brain. The chicken fish would spend hours, it’s body bobbing along at the top of the waves, it’s head under water, staring as it waited for food to pass within an inch of it’s face so it could peck and get a bite. It was highly inefficient but the chicken fish was a chill bird and didn’t mind. The chicken fish’s body was massive compared to it’s head, easily ten times wider and acted as a buoyancy device – keeping it afloat and afloat only. Until a tiny growth started on one chicken fish’s head, that evolved into a crown, the crown that would lead the chicken fish down the evolutionary path we know today. Chicken fish learned they could redirect their blood into their crown, weighting down their head, forcing their head to sink underwater, like a stone. This was the chicken fish’s new style of feeding – beak open, dropping like stone in a straight line, pecking and grabbing food as it raced past. The delights it had as it got further and further down. A little crustaceon, a piece of dolphin, one rumored to catch a nipple of a great whtite. With more nutrion, the chicken fish got smarter, it’s brain fed and happy. Then, people started sailing the oceans. They would see these bobbing white things in the distance and only think they were another bird. Until one great explorer, Sue, wanted to get closer and document all the wildlife they saw. They got closer, and it just so happened to be tossing kitchen scraps over board time, and some of the scraps got close to a chicken fish. In it’s brain, remember it was in a constant state of hallucination because of it’s eyes, it saw that as a tiny great white shark, perfectly fit for a two-beak nibble. It was an apple core, it ate it. The chicken fish’s blood sang with happiness, so much that it let out the very first vocalization of it’s life, the entire species life, with at “CLUCK” At that same moment, Sue, frantically sketching the bird while watching it peck at the food scraps, noticed a glint in the distance, something that called to her as land but land of more. Sue followed her instincts and put all power towards the glint, waviing goodbye to the chicken fish. A day later, when the ship reached the glint, they rubbed their eyes, believing they were playing tricks on them. Piles and piles and piles of gold and gems spread across a beach, no indication of how it got there or why. The ship immediately painted a chicken fish on the side of the boat, honoring their good luck charm. They had smooth sailing and riches beyond belief. Word of the chicken fish spread, and sailors would throw over food scraps in hopes of luring one closer to get their good luck. It wasn’t until one enterprising young person jumped overboard, swam to a chicken fish, and pulled it back onto the ship that people realized it could live on land too. There started the great chicken fish breeding program, to give sailors good luck. For the sailors who couldn’t afford a full chicken fish, feathers were sold, feet, beaks, a piece of luck is better than no luck. But alas, the breeding program produced too many chicken fish – one chicken could produce a hundred or more chicken fish – so the value quickly dropped. The chicken fish craze fizzled as quickly as it started. But, one person put their worthless chicken fish into a pen and started selling their unhatched eggs, then created recipes of chicken fish for local villages. The confusion – is it a fish – made them drop fish from the name and that’s how we ended up with chickens.
